Time elapsed in this book: about 3 weeks
Length of their junior year: Almost 10 months
Jessica’s love interests: Jeremy Frank
Entertainment rating: 5/10
Oh yay, a book about Steven. The title of this book is misleading, as no one actually dies in here. I thought someone did, but turns out I was remembering a different book. This is mostly filled with Steven/Tricia relationship drama with some Jessica antics for good measure. Serious question: did anyone actually care about any plot line involving Steven? As both an adult and a kid, I didn’t find him particularly entertaining or worthy of being a main character.
The book opens with Steven moping because Tricia has canceled another date with him. Jess thinks he needs to find someone else because Tricia’s family is trash. Liz says that maybe Tricia is having some kind of problems at home that she doesn’t want to tell Steven about. Jess suggests that maybe Tricia is seeing someone else.
Steven decides to drive over to Tricia’s house and find out what’s going on. Tricia’s dad opens the door, clearly drunk (so you know her family has issues). He tells Steven that Tricia doesn’t want to see him. Steven barges inside and goes to Tricia’s room, demanding that she talk to him. She tells him that she’s going out of town for the weekend so they can’t hang out. He wants to know what’s really going on and asks if she’s trying to break up with him. She says sure, they can break up. Steven asks if there’s another guy. When she doesn’t answer, he gets mad and she says it’s better this way. Steven storms off, and Tricia starts to cry. We get a short bit from her perspective: she’s been diagnosed with leukemia and told that with treatment, she has maybe six months to live. Her mom died of this, after which her dad started drinking. Tricia doesn’t want that to happen to Steven, so she’s decided to push him away and not tell him anything so he won’t be hurt. I am sighing deeply as I type this. I can’t remember how I felt about this manufactured drama when I was a kid, but as an adult, I’m like, “Just talk to each other!”
The next day, Cara and Jess ride the bus home from school. Wait, what?!? Since when does anyone in this town ride a bus?!?? It’s like we have a new ghostwriter who doesn’t realize that everyone in this town has a car and would never slum it on a bus. Cara asks Jess if it’s true that Steven and Tricia have broken up because she’s always had a crush on him. Jess says yes and that she’ll help Cara land him! Cara then shares two other pieces of gossip: popular local talk show host Jeremy Frank is in the hospital with a broken leg, and there’s a new family moving into a mansion in town with a daughter their age and a hunky eighteen-year-old son.
When Jess gets home, she asks Liz to become a candy striper at the local hospital with her. Liz is lukewarm about the idea but agrees to it. Jess doesn’t mention her reason for wanting to do this is to hopefully meet Jeremy Frank.
Liz and Jess start volunteering the next day after school. They’re told that their duties are to supply patients with non-medical stuff like magazines, handle the gift cart, and other small tasks. An hour later, the twins meet up and discuss how it’s been so far. Jess says she spent her first hour there being shown baby photos by new moms and lying to each one about how beautiful their baby is. LOL. Classic Jess! I love it. Liz tells Jess that she’s enjoying her work and that she met Jeremy Frank, even mentioning what room he’s in (patient privacy? Not in Sweet Valley!). She tells Jess not to bother him, but obviously Jess isn’t going to listen. The twins part again. Liz runs into a very intense/creepy orderly who introduces himself as Carl. She then sees Tricia down the hall and figures she’s visiting someone. Liz calls her name, but Tricia hurries away. Meanwhile, Jess goes to Jeremy Frank’s room and introduces herself. She asks to sign his cast but accidentally trips and ends up jerking a cable holding his leg so he has to call for a nurse.
On Friday, Jess tells Steven that he should come to a party at Cara’s house that night. Steven doesn’t want to at first, but when Jess mentions that Tricia’s been cutting class and someone even spotted her with another guy in town, Steven agrees. Jess then calls Cara and tells her she needs to throw a party. This is so backwards but everyone just rolls with it.
Jess shows up to Cara’s with Aaron Dallas as her date and Steven in tow. I love how Jess still manages to have a date for this party despite it being a fake, last-minute party. Lila is there too with her own date, some guy named Jim. Cara tells Steven that a bunch of people couldn’t make it so it’ll be a fairly small party. Cara pulls out a six pack of beer, saying her parents aren’t home, but Steven doesn’t feel like drinking. Cara puts on some music and other people start to dance. Steven asks her if she’s seen or heard anything about Tricia. Cara says she doesn’t know Tricia that well but clearly Tricia’s over Steven, since Caroline Pierce saw her with some guy at the drugstore the other day. Steven is angry and drags Cara to the floor to dance. He puts his arms around her, imagines she’s Tricia, and then kisses her. Cara is thrilled and tells him that this is the best party she’s had.
Jess comes home at one in the morning from the party and tells Liz how Steven was all over Cara. Steven doesn’t get home until two, since he went out for pizza with Cara and then they drove around for a while. He has a feeling she wanted to be seen with him more than she wanted to actually be with him. I have no idea who he thinks was seeing them together at two in the morning, nor do I know where they were getting pizza at that time, but Steven never seems that bright. Also, what a jerk he is for leading Cara on while thinking about Tricia. I mean, I get him being upset about the Tricia situation, but he’s using Cara, which is so wrong. I don’t think I caught onto these nuances as a kid, but wow. I kinda hate him.
On Monday, Liz sees Tricia on the lawn at school and briefly stops to talk to her. Jess and Cara walk up. Ignoring Tricia, Cara tells Liz it’s too bad she couldn’t make her party and mentions that Steven’s taking her to one of his college parties the next weekend. Why did Steven invite Cara to something else if he wasn’t interested? Again, he’s a jerk. Tricia is crushed to hear that Steven’s moved on but then reminds herself that it’s better this way. The melodrama is intense.
Liz tells Todd that something’s going on with Tricia and that she wants to fix things between them. I mean, it’s Liz so she can’t help but want to meddle. Todd encourages it and gives her a sizzling “sweet and salty” kiss. I lived for these scenes as a kid. Sadly, this is pretty much all the Liz/Todd action we get in this book.
The next afternoon, Jess is at the hospital, determined to make things up to Jeremy Frank. She brings a glass of cold water into his room to apologize for accidentally hurting him last time. But when she walks in, she discovers the nurse is giving him a sponge bath and he’s stark naked! Jess is so shocked that she accidentally spills the ice water all over Jeremy Frank’s bare stomach! He is furious and she is mortified. Jess flees and tells Liz about her embarrassment.
Liz decides to suggest reverse psychology to Jeremy. Her idea is that he should make a big play for Jess, at which point Jess may realize her crush is ridiculous and back off. For some reason, Jeremy thinks this is a great idea and gives Jess roses when she’s back at the hospital on Friday. Liz stops in Jeremy’s room later and tells him that Jess was thrilled so their plan is working well so far! Liz’s next stop is in another room, where the nurse said there’s a new patient her age who might benefit from talking to Liz. To no one’s surprise by Liz’s, that patient is Tricia! Tricia confesses she has leukemia and deliberately pushed Steven away. Liz tells her it was the wrong that to do because they’re miserable without each other. Tricia makes Liz promise to not tell him what’s going on.
The next week, Liz is conflicted. She wants to tell Steven but doesn’t want to break her promise to Tricia. Eventually, Liz goes to Mr. Collins and tells him all. He says she has a good heart and good instincts, so she should follow them.
At the hospital later, the reverse psychology plan continues. Jeremy calls Jess into his room and tells her he can’t live without her and that he wants to marry her. Jessica is shocked! She thinks she’s too young, but he says it’s like Romeo and Juliet and he knows he can’t live without her. Jessica rushes away. Jeremy gives Liz a thumbs up that their plan has worked. He’s supposed to be twenty-five and a celebrity, and he thinks it’s a good plan for him to be fake flirting and fake proposing to a high school student??
Steven takes Cara to a party at his dorm that evening. One of his friends comes up and assumes Cara is Tricia. It’s an awkward moment. Steven can’t stop thinking about Tricia and wishes he hadn’t brought Cara. Cara confronts Steve and says it doesn’t seem like he wants her there and asks if he’s thinking of Tricia. He says no but that since Cara brought her up, how is Tricia doing? Cara says she doesn’t know but that if they’re going to be a couple, he can’t keep thinking about Tricia when Cara’s with him. Steven asks what she means about being a couple and does Cara really think he’d replace Tricia like that?!? I mean, he’s made out with Cara at a party in front of her friends, drove around town with her, invited her to a dorm party… but yeah, how could she possibly think he’d want to be a couple? Steven is the worst. Cara is angry and embarrassed and tells him that she wouldn’t be his girlfriend if he begged her.
Meanwhile, Jessica is busy thinking about the Jeremy Frank situation. She decides to tell him she’s reconsidered and wants to marry him after all. She figures she can hide the engagement for awhile and that everyone will be jealous. She tells him this when she goes to the hospital next and he confesses that he wasn’t really proposing to her, just trying to make her cool off a bit. He says that sixteen is young to be married (you think?) and asks how he can make it up to her. Jess suggests he book her as a guest on his show and he agrees. She always gets what she wants!
Steven gets home from the party after dropping Cara off, and Liz tells him about Tricia having leukemia. Steven is overwhelmed and immediately rushes over to Tricia’s house. He tells her he knows what’s going on, and she starts crying with relief. He tells her he’s going to spend all her remaining time with her.
Liz goes to the hospital for another shift. When she leaves, Carl the orderly stops her in the parking lot and tells her that the nurse wants her to come back for something. She turns to go with him, and Carl covers her mouth with chloroform and drags her to his van!
Coming up next: Liz’s ordeal while kidnapped!
Notes:
The entire Steven/Tricia plot could have been solved by them just talking to each other. You know, like you’re supposed to be able to do in a relationship. Even Jess points this out to him. You know it’s bad when Jess is the voice of reason.
I know Cara isn’t without her flaws. I think she’s supposed to be the annoying one in here, since she’s a gossip and obviously pursuing Steven, who we’re supposed to be shipping with Tricia. I can’t remember how I felt about this as a kid, but as an adult, I just feel sorry for Cara. She has a crush on an older guy who’s using her. She deserves better than this!
The high-collared blouse that Tricia is wearing on the cover makes her look like she raided her grandmother’s closet. She’s supposed to be seventeen??
The back of this book includes a promo for a “SWEET VALLEY HIGH STAR-STUDDED CONTEST” where one lucky winner will get a trip to NYC, a makeover, tickets to a Broadway show, dinner with Francine Pascal, and a visit to the set of All My Children. Um, excuse me? This series was devoured by the 10 to 12-year-old crowd. What 12-year-old is watching a soap opera, much less should be watching a soap opera? I have no idea how this cross-promotion came to be, but it’s the weirdest mash-up ever.