Sweet Valley High #62: Who’s Who?

Time elapsed in this book: 3 weeks

Length of their junior year: 4 years, 2 months, 1 week

Jessica’s love interest: Brett S., Pierre du Lac, Tony Mangino

Entertainment rating: 10/10

Everything about this book is a 10/10. The cover is so good. The story is so good. We meet Magenta Galaxy and Daniella Fromage. Need I say more?!?

The SVH Valentine’s Day dance is coming up (say what? We’ve had multiple summers, multiple spring breaks, the spring play… yet it’s almost Valentine’s Day?), and Jess plans to be in love by then. At the mall, Jess sees a business called Lovestruck Computer Dating. Their sign says “Teens Our Specialty.” I have to wonder about this business model, but Jess is IN! She asks for two forms and fills them both out. She calls herself Magenta Galaxy (SO GOOD) on one of the forms and says she likes everything new and anything hot; she models this after Dana Larson. On the other form, she calls herself Daniella Fromage, a cultured sophisticate who loves classical music and poetry and is modeled after Suzanne Hanlon. Nothing quite says “sophisticated” like a last name that means cheese. Jess tells Liz that if she filled out the forms with her real info, she’d get the kind of guy she’s always dated. Liz thinks that there is no usual kind of guy for Jess!

Within the week, Perfect Match sends a letter saying they’ve found Daniella’s perfect match: Pierre Du Lac. He was born in France, speaks four languages, and has traveled extensively in Europe and on the Continent. Liz says she thought “the Continent” was another way of saying Europe but Jess shrugs. The important thing is, Pierre is dying to meet her! Pierre invites Jess out to dinner Friday at a French place called Chez Sam.

Jess calls Suzanne Hanlon for sophistication lessons. Suzanne is all too happy to tutor Jess in the art of being a snob. She quizzes Jess on artists, shows her scrapbooks from her family’s travels, and even loans her clothes. When Suzanne asks if Jess wants to watch a foreign film, Jess makes an excuse and bails.

Jess then gets a letter about Magenta’s perfect match: a guy named Brett S. He calls and invites her out on Saturday to the Rock Spot. Jess agrees, then contacts Dana to get a crash course in “super hip culture.”

Lila helps Jess put together outfits for both dates. Lila is a bit miffed that Jess went to Suzanne instead of her for sophistication lessons. Jess apologizes and says it’s only because Suzanne is a snob whereas Lila is more real and honest. This perks Lila up.

Friday evening, Jess meets Pierre at Chez Sam. He is, of course, hot. The menu is all in French and the only word she recognizes is thon. Jess doesn’t want to accidentally order something weird, so she tells Pierre she loves tuna and places her order. He tells the waiter he’ll have the same thing. Jess is surprised he didn’t order in French, and Pierre tells her that the waiter is French Canadian so their accents are different. Jess drops knowledge about things she learned from Suzanne. At one point Jess references Fellini and Pierre says he loves it with clam sauce, parmesan, and garlic bread. Jess is confused until she realizes he must be making a joke. He suggests they see a film together on Wednesday.

The next evening, Jess gets ready for her date with Brett. She adds a blue streak to her hair, puts on some of Dana’s clothes, and waits for Brett to arrive. He drives up in an Oldsmobile. Jess is confused, then decides that it’s so square, it must be cool! They go to the Rock Spot. The music is loud. Brett says he came for the music and doesn’t understand why people are dancing. By the time Jess gets home, her ears are ringing. She hopes they can go somewhere quieter next time.

On Wednesday, she goes with Pierre to see a French film. She asks Pierre to help her understand French idioms in the film, and he tells her the movie will have subtitles. Even with subtitles, though, Jess doesn’t understand the movie. The plot is confusing, and a random red ball runs through whatever room the characters are in. By the end, Jess has a headache and wishes she could just be herself with Pierre. As they leave, Jess thinks she sees Brett in line for the next showing, but that doesn’t make sense, so she shakes it off.

Jess goes out with Brett again. She can’t decide which boy she likes better or who she wants to bring to the school dance, but she figures she’ll know after a few more dates. I have questions about how this will work. Won’t bringing either one of them to the SVH dance expose her as Jessica and not Magenta or Daniella? She doesn’t seem to think this far ahead, nor does she care, so I suppose I shouldn’t either.

Pierre calls and invites Jess to dinner that night. He says he’ll pick her up at six. Brett calls too, but Mrs. Wakefield picks up and says there’s no “Magenta” at that number. Jess decides to tell Brett to call Lila’s number instead and have Lila serve as her answering service so she doesn’t have to potentially miss a call from him.

Brett calls Lila’s number and asks her to tell Magenta that he got tickets to a concert that night and that he’ll pick her up at 6:15. Lila tries to call Jess but the number’s busy, so she heads out shopping instead. She runs into Liz and relays the message. Liz says Jess already has plans with Pierre! Lila says it’s not Liz’s problem, and Liz says that Jessica’s problems often turn into her problems.

Liz is right: when she tells Jess about the date with Brett, her solution is to convince Liz to cancel her date with Todd and pretend to be Daniella or Magenta. Jess figures they’ll go to the same restaurant and go into the bathroom to switch clothes and identities every 15 minutes.

Liz starts off the evening as Daniella. From the start, she thinks Pierre sounds like a snob, since he keeps name dropping places. She asks if he goes back to Paris often and Pierre says yes, he loves the Riviera and spent his childhood there. Liz says that Paris isn’t on the Riviera, and he corrects himself and says he went back and forth between Paris and the Riviera. Liz says she has to make a phone call and goes to switch identities.

Liz starts her date with Brett. He mentions the song “Symphony for the Devil” and says it’s by the Doors. Liz blinks and says that’s a Rolling Stones song. Brett looks embarrassed and says he meant that it’s by the Stones. Liz wonders what’s going on. First Pierre thinks Paris is on the Riviera and now Brett is mixing up classic songs that even Liz knows. When their food is delivered, Liz realizes it’s time to switch. She tries making an excuse for why she needs to leave but then realizes she doesn’t care.

Jess is dismayed that Liz has ordered ginger chicken at both tables since she hates ginger. She eats it while trying to salvage the date. Brett tells her that they need to talk, and Jess says she’ll be right back. Brett asks if she’s going to the bathroom again and Jess tells him it’s a personal problem, which made me LOL. How did she think she’d look normal going to the bathroom every 15 minutes?!?

In the bathroom, Liz says she told Pierre he’s a big fake. Jess is mortified. She goes to the table with Pierre and apologizes, but Pierre says she was right and that he’ll take her home. Jess can’t believe her chances with him are ruined.

Liz gets home shortly thereafter and Jess asks if she ruined things with Brett too. Liz says that she thought Brett was a big fake too and told him she didn’t want to go to the concert or anywhere else with him. Jess is horrified.

The next day, Jess plays tennis with Cara and meets a cute boy who introduces himself as Tony Mangino. Jess thinks it’s a relief to just be herself with a guy. She tells Cara about the dates, saying Brett and Pierre probably both thought she had some kind of disease because of her nonstop bathroom trips.

After Jess gets home, the doorbell rings. It’s Pierre! Liz called him. Pierre tells Jess that she was right, he was totally putting on an act. He’s really Pete Lake and he’s never been to France. The doorbell rings again. It’s Brett! Liz also called him! He tells Jess that he too was trying on a new persona to meet different girls. He actually was at the weird French film and loved it! The doorbell rings again. It’s Dana and Suzanne, both looking to pick up the clothes that Jess had borrowed. Jess excuses herself.

In her room, Jess asks Liz why she invited both dudes over. Liz says she was trying to give Jess a chance to make up with both of them! Jess says she’s not interested because they’re both big fakes and besides, she’s met a new guy. When Jess gets back to the living room, she finds that Dana and Pete have hit it off and Suzanne and Brett have hit it off. Both new couples leave together. Jess is glad she’s done with them all and takes Tony Mangino to the Valentine’s Day dance.

Up next: Liz has an identity crisis about being predictable.