As the blurb on the back of this book begins: Watch out, Sweet Valley High! And watch out indeed! Jessica is dating the rich and arrogant Bruce Patman, which leads to her having a new personality, Bruce being a douche, and Liz being a busybody.
We open at yet another school dance. To be fair, these early books span weeks, if not months, so it’s understandable that it’s time for another school dance. I think this set me (and all other readers) up for unrealistic expectations of how often there’d be dances in high school. Liz and Todd are ready for the dance contest to begin, and Liz sighs with relief with Jessica arrives with Winston. As the fall king and queen, they’re expected to attend school events like this together, and Liz worried that Jess wouldn’t come with Winston because she’s been pining over Bruce and embarrassed to share the throne with the class clown. Liz checks out the rest of the gym and sees a man in early twenties by the bleachers, watching the Droids play their set. She doesn’t recognize him and wonders who he is.
Jess and Winston, as queen and king, kick off the dance contest and Jess is mortified to realize that Winston is dancing comically and not seriously. Bruce cuts in and starts dancing with Jess instead, and she’s thrilled for the interruption as well as by who interrupted! Liz wonders what Bruce wants with Jessica, and Todd points out the obvious: he wants to win the dance contest and Jess is his best hope for that. Sure enough, the pair easily win, and Bruce immediately starts calling Jess “baby” and flirting with her. She flirts right back.
Before the evening ends, Emily Mayer, drummer for the Droids, pulls Liz aside and says their band might be going big time! The stranger Liz noticed earlier at the dance is an agent looking to acquire new talent and he thinks the Droids have what it takes to go big! Liz is excited for her. I think I’m the only one who wonders what a random twenty something was doing at a high school dance or who let him in. There is nothing about this that is not sketchy.
Ken Matthews is hosting the afterparty. On the way there, Liz frets to Todd about Jess and how she wishes she could stop her from dating Bruce. Todd snickers and says he thinks Bruce is the one who needs protecting. Liz spots Jess with her arm around Bruce’s waist and is immediately dismayed. Bruce is busy telling the kids around him an obnoxious story
…So I looked behind me, and there’s the big red light of a cop car gaining on me. I could have put my black beauty into fifth and really let her rip, but I was in a generous mood, so I pulled off to the side of the road…”
He claims he was doing 82 in a 35 zone and that he bribed the cop with twenty dollars to look the other way. I’m sure 100% of this story is true…
After this story, Ken suggests they all change into swimsuits and jump in the lake. Jess puts on a bright red bikini and does a backflip off the diving platform. Bruce appears suitably impressed, and Jess says she was on the girls’ swim team in junior high. I’m pretty sure that this detail is not included in the Sweet Valley Twins series (or any subsequent series featuring the twins in junior high), but maybe I’m wrong. Anyway, Jess and Bruce embrace, and Jess is basking in the fact that she’s Bruce’s girl, at least for tonight. They start kissing, oblivious to everyone else around them, and Jess is even more thrilled… until she realizes that Bruce’s hands aren’t just touching her back, he’s untied her bikini top! She gently chastises him, saying she doesn’t want to rush things, and Bruce mockingly asks if she’s playing hard to get. They decide to get out of the water and start over elsewhere.
Liz sees them exit the water and immediately panics because she doesn’t know what Jess is getting herself into! She makes an excuse to leave Todd’s side and hurries into the woods after Jess, where she eventually finds Jess and Bruce wrapped around each other, making out. Liz says she needs to talk to Jess. Bruce says it can wait. Liz pushes again and this exchange happens:
“Look, honey-” Bruce started.
“I’m not your honey,” Elizabeth snapped.
Liz keeps pushing Jess to leave with her, and Jess gets rightfully annoyed. She tells Liz she’ll talk to her about whatever it is later. Liz is mortified at having been blown off by Jess but grudgingly leaves. Bruce teases Jess and says maybe she should have left with Liz because she looked like she was Jessica’s self-appointed babysitter. Jess is embarrassed and says it was probably about Todd. Bruce asks if she can keep a secret from Liz and then gives Jess a deep kiss that leaves her breathless. Jess feels the need to slow things down so she says the first thing that comes to her mind and tells Bruce she hopes Liz hasn’t found out that Todd is cheating on her. Strangely (and disappointingly), this doesn’t ever come up again, since it seems like the perfect start to some Jessica-caused Liz/Todd drama.
Jess doesn’t come home until almost sunrise, which keeps Liz awake with worry. Jess brushes off her concerns and tells Liz how wonderful Bruce is and that he told her he wished he’d been voted fall king so he could spend more time with Jess! Liz says she doesn’t believe him. Jess asks why Liz won’t believe that Bruce likes her, and Liz says it takes more than a few kisses to prove that. Liz tells Jess she worries that Bruce will hurt her, but Jess brushes her off, even when Liz mentions how quickly Bruce dumped Lila Fowler (“Lila had had a brief fling with the handsome, dark-haired senior some months earlier…”), which shocked me because I don’t think my younger self ever realized that the two richest kids at SVH had ever dated! I don’t think their former romance is ever referenced again. Apparently he also dated Cara Walker ad Heather Morgan. I guess Bruce gets around quite fast, begging the questions of who’s faster: Bruce or his Porsche?
To Jessica’s relief, Bruce does indeed call that morning and invites her sailing on Secca Lake so she heads out to go with him.
On Monday, Emily tells Liz that the Droids now have an agent, Tony, and that he’s planning to book them at some local clubs. Liz offers to chronicle the Droids’ rise to fame in the school paper. She then hurries off to class and finds Jessica’s seat empty. She wonders where Jess is, then looks outside to see Jess and Bruce making out on the campus lawn. We get some hot Jess/Bruce action here:
“Jessica ran her fingers through Bruce’s dark, wavy hair, delighting in its soft, silky feel. Bruce answered her by kissing her more and more deeply, exciting every nerve ending in her body. Jessica pulled herself even closer, rubbing her other hand in small circles at the nape of Bruce’s neck…”
Jess doesn’t want to leave when the bell rings but says she needs to get to chemistry class. Bruce tells her not to worry and produces a pad of notes from the nurse’s office to give her an excuse. Foolproof solution, like they weren’t just making out in front of school for everyone to see.
The next afternoon, Robin Wilson shows up at the Wakefield house, looking for Jess. Liz is there and says she thinks Jess is at cheerleading practice. Robin says no, she looked there first but Jess wasn’t at practice, so Liz grudgingly guesses she’s out with Bruce. Liz is angry at Jess for seemingly taking advantage of Robin’s good nature, but Liz refers to Robin as “the pudgy girl standing before her,” so it’s not like sanctimonious Liz is any better than her sister. Robin says that Jess told her Winston has a crush on her, and Liz tells Robin that’s not true because Winston’s been in love with Jess for ages. She invites Robin to join when she and Todd go check out the Droids at their first official gig.
When Jess gets home, Liz rips into her for blowing off Robin in favor of Bruce. Jess says she forgot and that Robin will get over it. Then Jess heads out again to play tennis with Bruce at the tennis court attached to the Patman mansion. Jess is an amazing tennis player (there is nothing the Wakefields aren’t amazing at!) and starts to show off, but Bruce gets angry because she’s better than he is, so she ends up throwing the game, deciding that being with Bruce is more important than her self-respect. After he “wins,” he kisses Jessica, who thinks, He really loves me!
On Friday, Jess finds out that she flunked her big chemistry test. She doesn’t know how that’s possible, since she cheated off Emily Mayer’s test, but unfortunately Emily was so exhausted from band practice that she didn’t study enough. Bruce tells her that flunking a test isn’t the end of the world. Jess worries it’ll end her cheerleading career, and Bruce sneers at cheerleading, which annoys Jess but she doesn’t make a big deal out of it. He then tells Jess that he knows where Mr. Russo keeps his tests and that he’ll tell her how to get them without being caught so she won’t fail again.
Liz chats with Winston in the cafeteria. He’s miserable seeing Jess with Bruce, and Liz says she’s miserable watching Jess fawn over Bruce too. She invited him to join when they go see the Droids play their gig, then remembers that Robin is also coming. He says he doesn’t want to be set up, and Liz assures him that it’s just a coincidence.
On Saturday, Jess shows Liz some new extremely boring clothes that she bought after Bruce said he thought it was a smart look. Liz is disgusted but leaves before she says something bad about Bruce. Liz, Todd, Winston, and Robin head out to catch the Droids’ gig. They’re playing at a place called the Seaside Express in Sand Pines, and no one in the car is impressed by how the place looks. It’s dingy and there aren’t a ton of patrons; however, the band sounds better than ever. On the drive home, they pass a black Porsche with the license plate 1BRUCE1 parked on a side road. Liz doesn’t want to think about what Jess and Bruce are up to, but she talks about it anyway when Todd drops her off because she’s nothing if not a busybody.
Liz writes an article for the Oracle that makes the Droids sound great, which they’re happy about, although the band is internally fighting about their new agent, as he’s been calling Dana despite them having agreed that Guy would be the one to deal with Tony.
The next Friday, Jess shows up at school in her cheerleading uniform, and Bruce is unimpressed because he thinks it’s dumb to go to the football game, much less cheer for it. Jess fakes being sick so she can miss the game and goes out with Bruce that night instead.
Jess invites Robin over another night after Bruce cancels their planned date for some family obligation. Robin mentions that she wants to pledge the PBA sorority, and Jess decides to use this to her advantage by having Robin do her own chores, like cook dinner.
Weeks go by, and Bruce makes more and more excuses to not go out with Jess. One night she tells him that if he won’t go to the dance with her (yes, there’s another dance), she’ll go alone. He tells her that if she goes alone, she won’t be in his arms later! So she doesn’t go at all.
Another issue of the Oracle comes out, and someone has slipped a nugget into Liz’s Eyes and Ears gossip column about Bruce winning a road rally. She thinks it can’t be true because Bruce told Jess he couldn’t go out with her the night of that rally due to family obligations. When she talks to Jess about it, Jess says Bruce must have loaned his car to someone else, which is obviously a load of BS since Bruce would never let someone else drive the 1BRUCE1. Liz asks John Pfeifer, the sports editor, about it and he admits that he put it in there and acknowledges that Bruce was indeed the driver and that he was there with someone that he can’t tell Liz about. Liz assumes this means Bruce was with another girl and is cheating on Jess.
Jess tells Robin that her first task to prove herself worthy of PBA membership is to steal a copy of Mr. Russo’s upcoming chemistry test and slip it in Emily Mayer’s locker. Robin succeeds, so Jess confronts Emily about having her hands on a stolen test. Jess says she didn’t put it there but she saw Emily looking at it and that she needs to use it or else Jess will tell the teacher. Jess plans to copy just enough answers to pass the test.
Liz goes to watch the Droids practice, and the band ends up arguing about their manager some more. He only ever calls Dana and doesn’t seem to actually be booking them gigs anywhere good. When the band takes a break, Emily seeks out Liz for her wise counsel and confesses that she cheated on Mr. Russo’s test. She doesn’t tell Liz that Jess was involved. Liz suggests that she tell Mr. Russo about this and that he’ll have more sympathy if he hears about it from Emily than from someone else.
Jess tells Liz that things with Bruce are better than ever and that she has a feeling he wants to get even more serious with her. Liz is skeptical but doesn’t push it.
At school, Mr. Russo has a talk with Jess. He doesn’t know that she cheated on the test, but she did fail the new test and Mr. Russo is unimpressed with her studying habits. Jess storms off to find Emily and accuses Emily of double-crossing her. Emily says she didn’t double-cross anyone, that Mr. Russo changed the test, and that Jess can tell Mr. Russo about the stolen test if she wants because Emily already told him. Jess is furious.
We cut to Bruce’s eighteenth birthday party! Jess is thrilled to go out with him but disappointed to hear it’s a full on party and not just an intimate dinner for two. The party is at his mansion, and everyone is there, even Liz. You’d think she wouldn’t be invited or wouldn’t want to go, but apparently she just talks a big game or maybe she wanted to go to keep eyes on Jess. Who knows. At the party, the Droids are setting up to play and Liz asks what happened to their club gig that night. Emily says that’s over, that their supposed agent had actually been fired by the agency he worked for and was only involved with them because he had the hots for Dana. Someone needs to contact the police about this twenty-something picking up sixteen year olds at high school dances, but it’s shrugged off like a lesson learned. Yikes.
The gang all leave the party and head to Guido’s to grab a bite for the afterparty. Bruce is kinda ignoring Jess and then says he needs to leave because his grandmother is sick. Liz offers to drive Jess home. Jess isn’t happy because she wanted to be with Bruce. Once in Todd’s car, Liz tells her boyfriend to drive around for half an hour and then makes up an excuse for why they have to return to Guido’s to see if her hunch is correct. Sure enough, when they finally return to Guido’s, the 1BRUCE1 is parked in the lot, which excites Jess. He’s still there! Only he’s not alone! He’s in a booth with Ken Matthews, John Pfeifer, their dates, and some girl he introduces as Aline Montgomery, claiming she’s a family friend. Jess doesn’t buy it. She picks up a pitcher of soda from the next table and throws it all over Bruce before telling him they’re over.
Notes:
Time elapsed in this book: At least a month, probably two. Assuming school started in August or September, this means this book has taken us up to at least December or January. And we’re only on book 3!
Jessica’s love interests: Bruce Patman
Bruce is always a pompous ass, but he seemed more sleazy in this book than in subsequent ones. The stories he told were absolutely ludicrous, and he was pretty sexist. Also, the untying of Jessica’s bikini top is absolutely scandalous!
Bruce’s cheating is so brazen, he even brought his other date around his friends. Apparently Ken and John both totally knew Bruce was cheating on Jess but didn’t feel it necessary to tell her. Or tell Liz! So much for them being good friends of Jess and Liz and even Todd!
I think this is the first book in which the license plate of Bruce’s Porsche is actually provided. Hello, 1BRUCE1!
Entertainment factor: 7/10.