This book. Ugh, so much fat-shaming and driving the message home that you need to be beautiful and thin to be popular. As a kid, I didn’t love this book, but I don’t think I fully understood why I didn’t love it. I hope that one of those reasons was because I subconsciously realized the awful messaging in here, but that’s giving my younger self a lot more credit than I likely deserved. Which makes the messaging in here even worse, since this is being aimed at pre-teen girls who don’t know any better.
I can’t imagine this getting published today, thankfully, but it’s bad enough to see this was considered “normal” when it was first published (originally in January 1984). Back in 2008, they updated and reissued the first few SVH books. I’m curious to read the updated version of this to see whether they actually improved the messaging or if it is still this cringe-worthy.
Anyway, enough soapboxing (for now). Let’s dive in!
I think there’s a different ghostwriter for this book because instead of opening with immediate action and dialogue, we get an actually quite nicely written teaser:
Elizabeth Wakefield didn’t know how messy things would get with Robin Wilson and the sorority pledging, until she was in too deep to back out.
Gotta say, despite my overall displeasure with this book and its storyline, the writing itself is pretty good, especially if you ignore all the fat references.
Once the opening teaser is over, we jump to Liz at home. Mrs. Wilson, Robin’s mother, calls her to ask if Robin is there yet since she’s coming over with something for Jess, who she thinks is her best friend. Jess isn’t home, and Robin hasn’t arrived. Mrs. Wilson asks Liz if she thinks that Robin is happy. Liz says she thinks so, but Mrs. Wilson claims that Robin is miserable because she’s overweight and unpopular and that she’s planning to drop out of school! She asks Liz if Robin is going to be nominated for membership in Pi Beta Alpha; Robin thinks joining the sorority will be the answer to her problems. Liz kinda hedges her answer. They hang up, and eventually Robin shows up. She eats no less than two large candy bars while there and chats with Liz, who thinks that “Robin’s heaviness was due to the way she ate” and also thinks that she and Jess both watch their diets carefully despite not having problems with their figures. This is total BS, since the twins are constantly at the Dairi Burger or Guido’s, chowing down on burgers, sodas, shakes, and pizza with their friends. Robin asks Liz if she knows when Jess will nominate her for PBA membership, since Jess conveniently keeps “forgetting.” Robin says she really wants to join and knows she can’t pledge as a senior, so this is her last chance. I also call BS on this, since PBA is constantly pledging new members, but perhaps at this point in the series, they didn’t realize how long junior year would last and how many pledge drives this would span. Liz says that she’ll nominate Robin instead of waiting for Jess. Robin is thrilled! Jess is less than pleased when she comes home and hears this, saying Robin would be bad for PBA’s image. Liz notices that Jess is wearing an expensive-looking new silk scarf. Jess says Lila re-gifted it to her, having gotten it from an aunt in New York and she didn’t like the color.
Apparently the old, unnamed PBA president moved away, and Jessica is now president of the sorority. That was fast, considering she just joined PBA in the first book, but what Jessica wants, Jessica gets. And she was asking about how to become president immediately after joining. At their next meeting, Jess tries to speed through the meeting before Liz arrives so she can avoid Liz nominating Robin for membership, but she’s not fast enough. Liz shows up, nominates Robin and says she’s a good friend of both her and Jess! People mutter to each other about who Robin is, asking if she’s the “pudgy one” (wow), but no one objects because no one would dare cross a Wakefield twin.
Lila, Cara, and Jess go to Robin’s house to deliver the news. Robin is excited to officially be nominated and offers them ice cream, eclairs, and soda. They decline the food but tell Robin that she’ll have to do some tasks as a pledge to prove she’s PBA material. She agrees to meet them in the gym the next day after school.
Liz starts worrying as soon as Jess tells her that “something rather interesting” is going to happen after school. She and Todd race to the track after school, where they find Robin running around the track with a gaggle of spectators laughing. Liz is appalled, especially when she hears some of the things people are saying. She tells Robin she doesn’t have to do it, but Robin says it’s not so bad, she just has to jog around the track five times a day for one week and that it’s a small price to pay to join PBA.
Robin completes the first task successfully, but the second task she’s given is even worse: she has to go to the beach on Saturday and play volleyball while wearing a bikini. Liz tells her that she, Todd, Enid, and George are going to the beach and always play volleyball there, so Robin should come with them and be on their team. Robin completes the task, even though she’s no good at volleyball.
Jess tells Robin she’s impressed with how she’s done so far! Then she delivers the third task: Robin has to get Bruce Patman to take her to the Discomarathon dance on Saturday! Robin thinks there’s no way. Liz is furious when she hears this but determined to make it happen. She talks to Bruce, who starts asking her when she’s going to do a profile piece on him for the school paper. Liz agrees to do the profile on him if he agrees to take Robin to the dance.
At home, Liz runs into Lila, who’s hanging out with Jessica. Liz asks how her aunt in New York is doing, since she’s regifted Jess both a scarf and a pair of earrings now. Lila’s confused at first, then says she’s fine. Liz notices she’s wearing a fancy new ring.
Liz keeps asking Robin if she’s asked Bruce to the dance yet and promises her that if she asks, Bruce will agree. Finally, Robin asks and Bruce says yes! Robin is thrilled! Jess is furious that Robin somehow got Bruce to say yes.
The night of the dance arrives, and Robin walks into the gym with Bruce. Liz is relieved that it’s all over. Bruce and Robin go to the center of the room, and then Bruce calls Robin “Tubby” and says he did his part, he brought her to the dance, and that someone else can “steer the Queen Mary” around the dance floor.
Robin is mortified. She rushes to the bathroom, where Liz finds her. Enid is there too, guarding the door. Liz tells Robin she’s so sorry, that she has a pretty face, and that running away won’t solve anything. Robin is angry and says she’s too embarrassed to show her face around here. She leaves and runs into Allen Walters, the photographer for The Oracle. Robin takes some of her anger out on him, then realizes she shouldn’t, so the two of them talk for a while. He says he doesn’t know why he’s at the dance and Robin tells him he shouldn’t run away. The two of them return to the dance together and actually enjoy themselves.
The next day, Liz goes to the mall and drops into Lisette’s, which is described as “an exclusive little shop she hadn’t noticed before.” I’m pretty sure that Lisette’s becomes a staple in their mall excursions later in this series, so it’s interesting to see this being a new store in this book! Liz pokes around the store for a bit and sees the scarf that Jess had been wearing earlier. The salesclerk says it’s an exclusive item of theirs and costs $95. Liz gets nervous and backs away, bumping a display that sends everything crashing to the floor. Liz helps the woman pick it all up, noticing that one of the items is the ring that Lila had been wearing earlier. The salesclerk tells Liz she can’t leave until all the items are accounted for (which they are, a few minutes later) and then tells Liz that they have a new security system so shoplifting won’t be so easy in the future. She says one of the items recently stolen was the twin to the scarf that Liz had admired. Liz starts to get worried.
The next night is the PBA meeting to vote on the pledges. Liz asks Jess what time the meeting is, and Jess is surprised that Liz found out about it. At the meeting, they pass around a box and each member drops a white or a black ball in as their vote. A “no” from one member is a “no” from all. The first pledge, Suzanne Hanlon, is voted in. Then they vote on Robin and there’s one black ball, so Robin can’t be admitted. Jess says she’ll relay the news to Robin, and Liz says she’ll go too. Liz knows that no one else would be bold enough to blackball Robin and that Jessica has to be the one who anonymously did it.
Robin meets them at Casey’s Ice Cream Parlor, excited to hear the news. Jess tells her she was blackballed but assures Robin that she’ll always be her friend. Robin is furious, saying she did everything they asked her to, and runs off.
The next day, Liz talks about the situation with Mr. Collins, then decides to write about it in an article for The Oracle, which she titles “Snobbery is Alive and Well at Sweet Valley High.” When it’s released, PBA members are unhappy with how they’re depicted, especially Jess. Liz only wishes that Robin were at school to read it, but no one’s seen her since the blackball incident.
Robin went to Los Angeles to visit an aunt but comes back to Sweet Valley, not wanting to see anyone. She shows up at school again but is dismissive when Liz tries to talk to her and completely ignores Jess when she tries to talk to her.
Liz goes to the mall to get a present for Todd. She sees a strangely dressed woman at Lisette’s pocket a bracelet. When the woman turns, she sees that it’s Lila! Lila leaves, and the salesclerk notices there’s a bracelet missing, then sees Liz standing there. Liz races away, not knowing what to think. When she gets home, she tells Jess to not accept any more gifts from Lila. Jess wants to talk about Robin: she’s seen her constantly running around the track at school and thinks she’s gone off the deep end. She asks Liz to talk to her.
After a few weeks, Liz talks to Robin, who says she should thank Liz and the other PBAs for allowing her to see things clearly. She’s been losing a ton of weight, thanks to constantly running and eating much smaller, healthier portions of food. Apparently now her face is even prettier! As is the rest of her!
Liz goes home and gets a call from Lila: Jess has been arrested for shoplifting at the mall! Liz hurries over there to help and asks Lila what happened. Lila says they’d just got to the mall when security grabbed Jessica, saying they’d been waiting for her to return so they could arrest her! Liz realizes that security thought she was the one stealing, since they’d seen her at the store before, and she tells Lila that she knows Lila is actually the thief. Lila denies it, but Liz says she saw her steal a bracelet. Lila starts to cry and says she’s been doing it because her father never gives her any attention. Liz and Lila go to security, where Liz convinces them to let Jessica go. She tells Jess to wait in the car, and then she and Lila tell them everything and Lila calls her dad, who comes to the mall and apologizes and says he’ll pay for everything and start spending more time with Lila. When Liz comes out to the car, she tells Jess it’s all taken care of. Jess wants to know what happened, and Liz tells her to talk to Lila if she wants details. Later, Liz goes to juvenile hall with Lila and Mr. Fowler as a character witness for Lila, who’s sentenced to six months probation.
At school, the list of everyone who’s trying out for the cheerleading squad is posted, and Robin’s name is on the list. Jess doesn’t understand it. Robin shows up looking hotter than ever, to the point where even Bruce Patman almost walks into a door and says, “What a beauty!” The cheer tryouts happen, and Robin does her routine flawlessly. She’s immediately picked for the squad and made co-captain. Because, you know, losing weight and becoming beautiful also means you’re immediately athletically talented.
At school some time later, Liz gets an encouraging letter from the editor of The Sweet Valley News, who thanks her for sending in articles that show promise, even though they haven’t been able to use any yet. Liz is discouraged, but Mr. Collins tells her Rome wasn’t built in a day. I really hope Liz was sending them articles better than her usual “Eyes and Ears” gossip column, but it’s not specified.
The school is buzzing with the latest contest for someone to be voted the Miss Sweet Valley High, the football queen. Jess thinks she’s a shoo-in for the position and assumes it’ll be hers, especially since she was queen of the fall dance, but then Robin challenges her! Robin puts up a sign at school that says the PBAs have forbidden anyone else for running for Miss Sweet Valley High but she is challenging that and asks for everyone’s votes. All PBA members are furious and want to know who told Robin that, but Robin refuses to share her info since they won’t tell her who blackballed her.
The voting happens with a huge turnout. Jessica’s supporters have signs that say Jessica is Just Right! while Robin’s supporters have signs that say Robin Has Us Throbbin’. I’ll just leave those slogans there without comment because yikes.
Everyone goes to the big game, where the results will be announced. Liz runs into Louis Westman, the editor for The Sweet Valley News, and offers to do a story on Miss Sweet Valley High for their paper too. He says she’s a lifesaver. I guess this is what counts as news in Sweet Valley?
Robin is announced as the winner! Bruce helps clear the way for Robin to get to the field, acting as if he’s her date. Liz is in full journalist mode, asking questions for The Oracle, and The Sweet Valley News reporters are there too, asking questions of her (seriously, this passes for news in Sweet Valley?!?). Miss Sweet Valley High traditionally does a lap around the track in the back of a limo, but Robin asks if Bruce will drive her in his 1BRUCE1 Porsche instead. He is all too thrilled to agree! But then Robin asks Allen to be her escort, embarrassing Bruce, who now has to act as their chauffeur and not her companion.
Two days after the game, Liz finds that the article she sent to The Sweet Valley News about the Miss Sweet Valley High competition got published and she has her first official byline in the local paper! A few days after that, PBA invites Robin to join their sorority again and she says no. They’re offended. I’m confused, mostly because I thought pledging season was supposedly done for the year, but okay. Robin and Allen become an item. Liz writes up a blurb about them in her “Eyes and Ears” column: Robin Wilson, Miss Sweet Valley High, and Allen Walters, resident genius and Oracle photographer, have discovered each other.
Again, I really hope whatever she submitted to The Sweet Valley News was better than this.
Notes:
Total time elapsed in this book: About 2 months. Which now puts the school year into probably February.
Jessica’s love interests: None. She’s too busy bullying Robin to date someone!
When explaining to Liz why she’d been shoplifting, Lila tells her that she’s a cheerleader but her dad’s never seen her cheer at a single game. I think this is the only mention of her being a cheerleader, since in a future book, it’s noted that she’s not on the squad due to some scandal.
Perhaps it’s just me, or perhaps it’s the gray background on the cover of this book, but the twins’ hair on the cover looks more silver/gray than blonde.
Entertainment factor: 3/10.
Cringe factor: 10/10.