Time elapsed in this book: 4 weeks
Length of their junior year: 1 year, 1 month
Jessica’s love interests: Donald Essex
Entertainment rating: 8/10
I giggled multiple times while reading this book. From Bruce’s smoldering look on the cover to him writing the most ridiculous love letter… so good. AND, making it even better, whoever ghostwrote this book threw in a few mild swears (gasp!) that the original owner of my copy of this book felt the need to cross out and “correct.” The hell of it turned into the fun of it, Damn became Rats, and Good Lord became Heavens (not sure why this needed fixing, but okay). Ironically, this calls attention to words and phrases I might not have even noticed otherwise. Gotta love the fact that these books were apparently too racy for some people!
Liz is in charge of a carnival happening at Sweet Valley High in two weeks. They’re raising money for handicapped children at Fowler Memorial Hospital. What kind of handicaps? We never find out. She tries to discuss the carnival with Jess on their way to school, but Jess is more concerned with the fifteen-page term paper she has to write and doesn’t even have a topic for. When they arrive at school, because both twins are overly involved and judgmental about everyone else, both are dismayed to see Regina in Bruce’s car. Jess says she can’t believe Regina would put up with Bruce’s BS. Liz says she can’t believe it either but that Bruce has seemingly been killing her with kindness. Jess flounces away, and Liz meets up with Todd, who kisses her on the tip of her nose and the top of her head. Swoon.
At lunch in the cafeteria, Lila and Jess discuss Bruce and Regina. Jess hates Bruce, since their attempt to date was such a disaster, and Lila hates Regina for being beautiful, rich, and landing that magazine cover. Lila needles Jess by telling her that Bruce invited Regina over for dinner, something Jess always wanted when she was dating Bruce, and sharing the news that Bruce bought Regina a ruby pendant. What a totally normal gift for high school boys to give their new girlfriends. Jess is annoyed and says Bruce is probably sneaking off to see his college girls while Regina isn’t around and that they won’t last two weeks. They decide to bet on how long the relationship will last. If Bruce and Regina break up before the carnival, Lila will write Jessica’s term paper. If they don’t break up, Jess will write Lila’s.
After school, Lila drives to her father’s office and sees a youngish construction worker outside. He’s hot, probably eighteen or nineteen, and smiles at her. We get this gem:
Lila smiled back at him, slightly surprised by herself. She didn’t even usually look at construction workers, let alone encourage them. I must be slipping, she thought.
He introduces himself as Jack. She introduces herself as Lila Fowler and is confused when he’s not immediately impressed by her last name. He goes back to work, and Lila decides she is interested.
The carnival committee meets with Mr. Collins. It consists of Liz, Todd, Winston, Enid, Olivia, Roger, Ken, and Regina. Mr. Collins announces that Regina’s mom, Skye, will be the parent advisor for the committee, so Liz should contact her straightaway. They figure out roles for everyone (Winston will be charging people to throw pies at his face) and then adjourn to the beach. Liz invites Mr. Collins to join them (why?) but he declines.
Elsewhere at the beach, Lila and Jessica rub baby oil into their skin and sun themselves. I feel like I got a sunburn just reading that. Lila tells Jess about meeting a hottie named Jack, leaving out his profession. Regina and Bruce arrive at the beach together, looking happy as can be, and Jess is displeased. Bruce is wearing an “absurdly small bathing suit,” a detail I love. Jess thinks they look too happy and decides she needs to break them up.
Regina goes to Bruce’s house for dinner. Mrs. Patman speaks loudly and slowly to her the entire time, which mortifies everyone else. After dinner, Bruce and Regina go to Miller’s Point to make out. Bruce tells Regina that he loves her and that he’s never told anyone that before. In between kisses, he tells her she’s so brave and that he wishes he could do something to get her hearing back so she could hear him tell her that he loves her. I’m so curious how she’s able to lipread his loving murmurs when they’re making out, but I love it nonetheless.
At the Morrow house, we get the backstory on why Regina is deaf: Skye was a top fashion model who decided to give up modeling to be a stay at home mom when she was pregnant with Regina. But then a top fashion magazine asked Skye to appear in their summer issue, modeling swimsuits and resort wear. She decided to go for it and have one last spectacular modeling job. The magazine wanted her to drop ten pounds for the shoot (did they know she was pregnant???), so Skye took diet pills (what?!) against her doctor’s advice (seriously, what??). She looked incredible in the photos, but the diet pills caused permanent damage to Regina’s ears. Skye still hasn’t forgiven herself and occasionally gets headaches out of guilt.
Regina gets home near midnight, and her family is still up, drinking champagne. Her dad pours Regina a glass and tells her the exciting news: there’s a surgeon who has pioneered a way to restore hearing to deaf people, and he thinks Regina is a good candidate! After a year of treatments, Regina should be able to hear as well as everyone else! I’m not entirely sure what this magical treatment entails, but I do remember that as a kid, I assumed that this treatment actually existed and wondered why it wasn’t common knowledge. Anyway, Regina is thrilled and starts imagining what it would be like to hear Bruce’s voice! But then her dad mentions that the doctor is in Switzerland so she’d have to move there for a year. Regina is immediately opposed to this because she can’t bear to be separated from Bruce for that long. The next morning, when Bruce picks Regina up, they make out for a little bit and Regina melts in his arms. Regina is determined to not let Bruce find out about the treatment in Switzerland because she knows she belongs in Sweet Valley.
Liz goes to the Morrow’s house to meet with Mrs. Morrow about the carnival. Mrs. Morrow is a bit out of sorts thanks to a headache. Liz is concerned, so Mrs. Morrow immediately tells Liz everything, from how it’s her fault that Regina’s deaf to Regina’s refusal to go to Switzerland for treatments. Mrs. Morrow asks Liz to help change Regina’s mind. Liz says that if Regina comes to her for advice, she’ll do what she can.
Friday afternoon after school, Jess runs into Ken. He’s running for president of the centennial committee, which people will vote on during the carnival, and although he used to be the only candidate, Bruce has just announced that he’s going to run! Jess thinks no one will vote for Bruce, but Ken says Bruce has the money to put together a full campaign, plus people like him a lot more now that he’s dating Regina. Jess can’t believe anyone cares this much about being president of the centennial committee. However, Ken’s words make her think she can break up Regina and Bruce by making Regina think he’s only dating her for votes! Jess goes home and crashes a meeting of the carnival committee, saying she’d like to be in charge of convincing Regina and Skye to do a mother-daughter fashion show.
When Bruce drops Regina off that evening, her brother, Nicholas, introduces her to a guy named Donald Essex who’s visiting from San Francisco. Regina greets him and he greets her back in sign language! Regina is shocked and asks him if he’s deaf too. It makes me laugh that she asks him this out loud instead of signing anything back, but then again, there’s no mention of her ever knowing ASL aside from this. It could be she just recognized “hi” in ASL because it’s basically a wave/salute that’s fairly recognizable as a greeting regardless of whether you’re deaf or not. Donald says he used to be deaf but now he hears like everyone else because he was miraculously cured of his deafness in Switzerland! Donald says he knows it’s a hard decision to make and that he isn’t going to pressure her into treatment but that he thinks a lot of deaf people are mostly scared of what comes after they’re cured because they fear what it would be like to be “normal” all of a sudden. I have to wonder, if you went from being deaf to suddenly being able to hear, would you actually understand words immediately? Seems like it would take time to understand what the sounds of words actually mean. I know I’m overthinking this for Sweet Valley, but it’s a legitimate question.
The next day, Jess calls the Morrows and asks to speak to Regina. LOL. Jess realizes her mistake but says it’s a compliment to Regina because she acts like everyone else to the point that Jess forgot she couldn’t hear. Jess says she’ll drop by to discuss the carnival. She heads over and pitches the idea of a mother-daughter fashion show. Regina and her mom agree to it. After Mrs. Morrow leaves, Jess compliments Regina’s new diamond bracelet, which Regina says was a gift from Bruce the night before. Another perfectly normal gift high school boys get their girlfriends. Jess says they are clearly a perfect match and it goes to show you shouldn’t listen to what other people say. Regina asks what she means, so Jess “reluctantly” tells Regina that people think Bruce is dating her to get votes for the centennial committee presidency. Regina brushes it off, but she’s rattled because she doesn’t know anything about Bruce running for president, so maybe the rumors are true!
Jess leaves, but the Fiat won’t start. She exclaims, “Damn!” which is basically the F-word in Sweet Valley! Whoever originally owned my copy of this book was apparently offended by this so they scratched it out and wrote “Rat’s!” instead (the misplaced apostrophe is theirs, not mine). Excellent entertainment!
A hottie appears and advises Jess not to flood the motor. He introduces himself as Donald Essex and says he’s staying with the Morrows for the weekend. Jess likes what she sees, so she introduces herself, flirts, invites him to the carnival, then tells him to give her a call and says Regina has her number. She drives off, leaving him wanting more, calling her name.
Sunday morning, Regina and Donald talk about Switzerland. Donald guesses she isn’t leaving because of a “special friend.” He says he originally didn’t want to go to Switzerland because of a girl and didn’t tell his girlfriend about the opportunity because he didn’t want her to encourage him to go. But eventually she found out and dumped him. So he went, and despite apologizing for not telling her about it, she never forgave him.
Regina decides she needs to talk to Bruce but that before she tells him about Switzerland, she needs to ask about the election! So that afternoon, when they’re in his car, she does. Bruce gets angry and asks how she found out. He’s angry because he wanted him winning the election to be a surprise for her when it happened! This makes zero sense, since she’s going to be at the carnival and is able to vote in the election, where she’d inevitably see his name. I know, too much logic. Bruce gets mad about her questions and Regina gets mad because Bruce is hiding something. She takes off her diamond bracelet and ruby pendant, throws them both at him, and storms off!
Todd and Liz go over to the Morrow’s house to talk to Mrs. Morrow about the carnival. Donald answers the door, sees Liz, and says, “You again!” He says he’s been thinking about her invitation to the carnival. Liz is confused and says she didn’t invite him anywhere. Donald looks at Todd, assumes she’s posturing for his benefit, and says of course. When Liz and Todd leave, Todd asks where she met Donald and Liz says she’d never met him before. Todd doesn’t believe her and they fight. He doesn’t even kiss her goodbye, he’s so mad! It’s incredible that neither considers the possibility that Donald might have mistaken Liz for Jess.
Monday at school, Liz is still grumpy and Todd is still ignoring her. Regina finds Liz and tells her she won’t be able to do the fashion show at the carnival after all since she’s leaving on Friday for Switzerland. She’s not wasting any time! Without Bruce, why stay in Sweet Valley? She tells Liz about Bruce only dating her to win the election, and Liz is angry. Liz then complains about this to Mr. Collins, who tells her that people can change and that misunderstandings happen in relationships. Liz says she’ll try to keep an open mind, since she doesn’t know the full story. She goes home and tells Jess that Regina and Bruce broke up, and Jess is thrilled by the news since this means Lila will have to write her term paper. She asks Liz if she saw Donald while at the Morrows, and Liz suddenly realizes Donald thought she was Jessica! I mean, duh.
The next day at lunch, Liz and Todd make up and make out. Between kisses, Todd tells Liz that the best part of fighting with her is making up with her.
Liz goes to Bruce’s house after school, since he invited her over to talk about Regina and she’s trying to keep an open mind. He doesn’t understand what went wrong and says he loves Regina and didn’t tell her about the election because he wanted it to be a surprise. Liz believes him but says that Regina is leaving on Friday for Switzerland. Bruce starts crying and says he can’t let Regina leave without knowing that he loves her. Liz can’t believe Bruce has enough feelings to actually cry about something.
After Liz leaves, Bruce thinks about what to do and decides to write Regina a letter that she can open on the plane so she’ll know he loves her but it’ll be too late to change her mind about going. It’s actually a very thoughtful plan, but his letter reads like something out of the 19th century:
“By the time you read this, it will be too late for you to change your mind about the treatments. And you mustn’t change your mind, my dearest–not for anything…”
No wonder Caroline was able to copy love letters from the 1800’s and fool everyone into believing a contemporary 16 year old boy wrote them.
Bruce gives Liz the letter. At first she’s mad that Bruce is going to tell Regina how he feels, but then she realizes he wants Regina to go to Switzerland, not stay for his benefit! Liz is so impressed that she kisses Bruce on the cheek. She then goes to Regina’s and hides the letter in her carry-on while saying goodbye. Regina finds the letter on the plane and starts crying. Bruce enclosed the ruby pendant in the envelope with the letter, so Regina puts that on and decides it will never come off again.
Saturday, the carnival happens and it’s a success! Instead of the mother-daughter fashion show, Mrs. Morrow tells the story of Regina’s deafness, how she overcame the handicap to live a normal life, and how the carnival is trying to raise funds so other kids can do the same. Everyone bursts into applause. The centennial president is announced: Bruce won! Liz is so happy for him and thinks no one would do a better job.
Two weeks later, the carnival committee has a reunion party to celebrate the donation being made to Fowler Memorial Hospital. Jess has other things on her mind: she just got back her term paper, and she got a D! She confronts Lila about it, and Lila says she got a B-minus on her paper. Jess asks how this is possible, and Lila says she must have been tired after writing her own. I mean, honestly, did Jess not read the paper before turning it in? Did she expect Lila to put a ton of effort into this?? She should be glad Lila wrote anything and didn’t get her an F! Lila is unconcerned and says she’s off to her father’s office to see Jack. Jess is intrigued by this and decides that perhaps she should go after Jack instead to teach Lila a lesson.
Coming up next: Jess and Lila fight over Jack!