Time elapsed in this book: 2 weeks
Length of their junior year: 1 year, 7 months, 3 weeks
Jessica’s love interest: None.
Entertainment rating: 7/10
The cover of this book shows a guy who seems the opposite of lovestruck. I love how over it Ken seems on the cover but it’s definitely not an indicator of how he acts in the book, since he is absolutely smitten with Suzanne in here! The look on Ken’s face while Suzanne gazes up at him adoringly is more indicative of what the cover should have been for a later book, in which (spoiler alert!) another character realizes he’s not that into his girlfriend anymore because he might be gay. I’m also not sure why Ken is wearing a tank top, since he’s not on the track team or about to go surfing or whatever. Anyway, aside from my nitpicking about the cover, the book is entertaining. I remembered this story well as a kid, especially the parts about how Liz helps Ken not fail English and, even more memorably, the Centennial picnic that Jess helps Bruce plan.
We open with Jess telling Liz about her plans for the picnic being held as part of the Sweet Valley centennial celebration. She’s debating whether to have live music or just play records; she thinks live music would be better but it would also be more expensive. Liz suggests that Jess ask if the Droids will play for free. Jess thinks this is a great idea. I’m surprised Liz had to suggest it. I’m also surprised by the implication that the Droids are usually paid for their gigs. They’re a high school band. Who is booking them and paying for their shows? I’m pretty sure that at my high school, there would have been a half dozen student bands, none of whom ever got paid for their gigs, clamoring to play for the exposure.
Jess asks if Liz will man the kissing booth at the picnic and kiss anyone who pays a dollar for the privilege. Liz agrees, saying the job doesn’t sound bad. Again, I don’t know what alternate world they’re living in. This would so not have flown at my own high school! Jess says her assistant, Lila, will help with some other centennial tasks. Liz asks if Lila knows she’s Jessica’s “assistant” and Jess admits that Lila thinks she’s the co-chairperson. Gotta love Jess!
Liz says that they may really need the picnic to feel celebratory if SVH doesn’t win the exhibition football game that’s happening as part of the celebration. Usually, there wouldn’t even be a question about SVH winning, but Ken is close to failing English and if he doesn’t get a good grade on a short story assignment that’s due soon in Mr. Collins’ class, he won’t be able to play. Apparently Mr. Collins and Chrome Dome Cooper talked to Ken about this in front of Bruce, who’s the president of the student centennial committee, and Bruce shared the news with the twins. Unbelievably unprofessional, but typical for SVH. Liz decides that she should offer to help Ken with the assignment, because who wouldn’t want her help? So she calls Ken and after he gets over his annoyance about the fact that Liz somehow knows about his English grade, he’s grateful for the help.
Ken comes over and says he doesn’t know why he can’t seem to write anything. Liz shows him a short story she wrote, about a kid from New York who moves to Sweet Valley and how he takes in the new city. She says that if Ken reads her story and looks at her notes, he might be able to see how she was able to put it together and that could help him with the process. Ken agrees it could help and borrows her notes. This is the least helpful tutoring ever. While he’s at the Wakefields, Jess asks if he’ll man the men’s kissing booth and let anyone kiss him for a dollar alongside Liz. He agrees.
The next night, Ken goes to Suzanne Hanlon’s house for dinner with her family. They’re so rich that her dad has two different Rolls-Royces (the older one is his second car) and they have a butler who greets Ken at the door. Suzanne tells Ken not to talk about football, since her family doesn’t think too much of sports. Ken does his best to keep up with conversation over dinner. Apparently Suzanne’s grandfather loves Shakespeare to the point where he sometimes shares a verse from Shakespeare at the top of his lungs, and he instilled his love of Shakespeare in his son. Ken admits he doesn’t know Shakespeare very well. Suzanne’s dad says that’s understandable because schools are so focused on sports that they don’t focus on important things like literature. Ken is embarrassed and is sad to see Suzanne nodding along. He tells Suzanne later that his feelings were hurt, and Suzanne tells him not to worry, he’s one of the sweetest guys she knows. They kiss and he leaves. He runs into Regina and Bruce on his way home; they’re out for a jog together. Who knew either of them went for runs for fun?!? Ken thinks that if they can make it work despite their differences, so can he and Suzanne.
Ken tries working on his story that night, but he isn’t making much progress. Suzanne calls Ken and asks if he wants to join her and some friends at a showing of The Seventh Seal. Ken’s never heard of the movie and Suzanne is shocked he’s never seen it because it’s a “Bergman film.” Ken is impressed by the way Suzanne says “film” instead of “movie.” It clearly doesn’t take much to impress him. He’s the original “just Ken.”
The next night, Ken doesn’t understand the movie at all but Suzanne’s friends love it. When they discuss it later, Ken asks which role Ingrid Bergman played and everyone laughs at him. Apparently it was directed by Ingmar Bergman, it didn’t star Ingrid Bergman. Someone asks Ken about being on the football team, and Suzanne says that Ken doesn’t care about football but is just on the team to stay in shape. Ken is annoyed that she dismissed his sport!
That night, Ken needs to finish his short story but can’t come up with anything. Finally, he decides to retype Liz’s story, listing his own name as the author, and figures that she’ll never know. He doesn’t feel good about it and can’t sleep afterward, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
Suzanne organizes a “literary evening” at Sweet Valley High. A bunch of people participate. Liz reads a touching poem she wrote about her mom. Winston read a bunch of funny short poems. Someone named Ted reads a melodramatic short story about the death of a squirrel. Liz sees Ken in the crowd and wonders why he’s with Suzanne because Suzanne’s always trying to boss him around. After the event, Liz talks to them briefly and they (of course) compliment Liz on her work. Suzanne says maybe next time, Ken will read something he wrote! Ken says he can’t write like they do, and Suzanne tells him that if he focused on writing as much as he focused on football, he’d be successful. Liz dislikes her.
The next day in the Oracle office, the staff is almost done putting together the new issue, which is all about the Sweet Valley centennial. Liz thinks it’s one of the best issues they’ve ever put together. Then Penny, the editor-in-chief, bursts into the office and says to stop the presses because she has the perfect feature article for the issue! It’s an article written by none other than Ken Matthews! Liz is shocked that Ken submitted something to the school paper. Penny says Ken didn’t; Mr. Collins gave her Ken’s short story to print. Ken doesn’t know about this, but Penny figures he’ll be thrilled. I am absolutely appalled at the way student work is being shared with other students without their knowledge and even more appalled by the idea that Mr. Collins thought it was a great idea to (surprise!) suggest it be printed without Ken’s knowledge. Liz voices these thoughts to Penny, saying Ken should approve it first. Penny says sure, she’ll tell Ken about it, but they need to add it to the paper quickly since they’re up against a deadline. Penny passes around copies of the story for everyone to read… and Liz feels sick. It’s her story!
Liz tells the room that they can’t publish the story. Everyone asks why. She doesn’t want to tell anyone that it was her story, so she says that it’s The Oracle‘s policy to not publish fiction. Everyone else says they should make an exception for this because it’s that good.
Liz runs off and finds Ken. He is mortified that Liz found out and can’t believe Mr. Collins shared it for the paper to print. He apologizes and says he will put a stop to this. Ken rushes off and runs into Suzanne, who says she heard that his short story is going to be published in the paper (news at SVH travels fast). She’s proud of him and can’t wait to tell her parents. She suggests he participate in a writer’s workshop to further develop his talent and says he should drop football to focus on this pursuit.
Ken goes home and types up another story. He then rushes to find Liz, who’s about to drop off the paper at the printer. Ken asks her to take out the plagiarized short story. Liz says it’s too late unless she tells the rest of The Oracle staff why she’s pulling it and she doesn’t want to do that (why? I’m not sure). Ken says he wrote another story to use instead and gives it to her.
The paper comes out, and all anyone can talk about is Ken’s article. Everyone knows there was originally another article scheduled to be included, and he subbed the printed article at the last minute. It’s fiction, but the story is about Ken stealing someone’s story, so everyone assumes it’s real. Ken is called into the principal’s office. Chrome Dome asks how much of the story is true, and Ken says all of it. Ken prepares for consequences, but Chrome Dome tells him it takes courage to own up to his mistakes. The story is good enough that Mr. Collins would have given him an A if he’d turned it in to begin with, but due to the circumstances, he’s going to get a C instead. But, a C is a passing grade so Ken can still play football! Things worked out!
Ken leaves the principal’s office, and Suzanne tells him that his article admitting he’s a cheater made her a laughingstock to all her friends! She never wants to see him again. Ken is wounded and worries everyone else will judge him harshly too, but his football teammates welcome him back with open arms. Ken thinks he’s better off without Suzanne.
The day of the centennial celebration arrives. SVH plays football against Palisades. To no one’s surprise, SVH wins, thanks to Ken!! Suzanne is even at the game and runs up to Ken afterward, telling him she now realizes how much courage it took for him to write that second story. Ken says she’s forgiven. Suzanne says great and that he should get changed so they can meet her friends at the library. Ken says he can’t, he’s manning the kissing booth at the picnic! Furthermore, he says he doesn’t like Suzanne’s boring friends and that Suzanne bores him too. He’s not going to the library with her, he’s going to the picnic and charging for kisses! The two of them are OVER!
The picnic gets underway. The Droids play (of course). Liz says her lips feel like they’re about to fall off after manning the kissing booth for so long. I still have so many questions about this. Meanwhile, Jess is hiding, since she forgot to confirm food with the caterer and instead had to make PBJs for everyone. She thinks everyone will hate her, but Bruce announces to the crowd that thanks to Jess and her PBJs, they raised even more money than expected to donate to the Community Fund (whatever that is). Jess perks up and immediately takes credit for her “decision” to make PBJs instead of paying a caterer. She’s a hero!
Next up: Liz is determined to befriend Lynne Henry, a shy student who was wistfully watching the Droids play at the picnic.