Time elapsed in this book: 4 weeks
Length of their junior year: 2 years, 5 months, 1 week
Jessica’s love interest: College guys. First Paolo (until she meets him), then John Karger, then some unnamed college guy
Entertainment rating: 8/10
I always loved the dating antics at Sweet Valley High, and this was no exception! The Oracle starts running personal ads, which leads to Penny Ayala meeting a mystery guy nicknamed “Jamie.” Meanwhile, Jess and Lila use personal ads to meet college guys and make a bet about who will reel in the hotter date. One of the better subplots for sure, and one that I remembered very vividly from the first time I read this!
The cover is pretty good. Apparently we’ve moved from the “portrait” phase of SVH covers to the “scene” phase of SVH covers, as this shows a background of a bookstore. My only complaints are: 1) the fact that Penny has dark brown hair in this picture, but the book describes her as having dark blonde hair, and 2) the wildly unattractive too-large blouse Penny is wearing. The sleeves look like they join near her waist! Why are they so huge?!? There is ZERO CHANCE this blouse would look good with her arms at her sides.
There’s a note on the cover of my book that it’s a “Special Book Fair Edition.” As far as I can tell, this just means no bar code on the back and no ads for other books in the last pages. I’m curious if there’s anything else special about it.
The book starts with staff members at The Oracle getting ready to run personal ads. This is being spearheaded by Lynne Henry. She creates numbered mail boxes for everyone participating to ensure anonymity. This sounds like waaaay too much work, but I guess she’s enthused about it.
At the beach after school, Lila and Jessica discuss guys. Lila asks Jess if she knows anything about Kirk Anderson, the new hottie at school. Jess is disgusted and says that looks are the only thing he has going for him because his personality is a zero. They decide they need to meet older guys, and Jess tentatively suggests that they place personal ads. Lila is grossed out by the idea and says only losers place ads and only losers answer them, but Jess says that personal ads are the new hot thing and that her brother gets the SVH newspaper at his college, so lots of college guys could respond. In real life, it’d probably be a stretch to assume Steven actually reads the paper; it’s even harder to believe that his college friends would be clamoring to read it too. However, this is Sweet Valley, where the world revolves around the high school and this is Steven, whose social life (and definitely his dating life) seems to start and end at the high school. Jess and Lila write ads and make a bet about who can snag the hottest date. Jess suggests they can all go to the Swing Fling dance together. I should note that both Lila and Jessica already have dates, but they figure they can cancel them if they meet someone hotter. Logic checks out. There’s a reason I love these two together!
Liz suggests that Penny Ayala, the editor-in-chief of The Oracle, place a personal ad. Penny says she’s not the kind of girl guys go for but agrees to give it a go. She writes a weird ad (“Hook-nosed hunchback seeks kindred spirit…”), which Liz thinks is hysterical. She hopes there’s a guy out there who gets her humor.
Replies start coming in for the ads. Penny gets a response from someone who uses the same humor and signs his letter “Jamie.” Penny is intrigued. She crafts a response and sends it to him, hoping things might actually work out.
Jess gets a letter from a college guy who calls her “mi amore” and says he likes slow dancing, romantic dinners, and desserts. Jess just knows she’s about to embark on the romance of the century.
We cut to a group that includes Kirk Anderson, Michael Harris, Neil Freemount, and two newbies named Chad Ticknor and Ron Reese. Turns out, they’re writing to Penny as a joke, not knowing who it is. Kirk is the ringleader, but Neil is doing the bulk of the writing and is now actually interested in her, whereas Kirk still sees it as a joke. They write her a letter and ask her to meet “Jamie” outside the mall bookstore that Friday.
Penny is excited and nervous to meet Jamie! She waits… and waits… and no one ever shows up. Penny is mortified by Jamie’s no-show and goes home to cry. Later, we find out that the group of guys were watching the bookstore to see who’d appear. When Penny showed up, Neil was about to go meet her, but the others guys started laughing at the fact that it was Penny, so they just stood her up. Enid and Liz overhear the guys laughing about this at school and can’t believe they’d play such an evil trick! They especially can’t believe Neil was in on it. Liz start scheming for how to get back at Kirk, since she knows he was the ringleader.
Jess preps for her own date. She puts on a skimpy white silk tank top and a straight blue linen skirt. What teen owns clothes like this?!? The doorbell rings and an “undeniably overweight” boy named Paolo stands there. Jess can’t believe this is whom she thought she’d have a grand romance with. He takes her to a restaurant, where he orders in rapid Italian. Jess spins a story about how she’s mostly an invalid because her health is so poor…. and then she fakes feeling faint so he’ll take her home. Paolo tells her it’s been an honor meeting her.
Jess decides she’s done with personal ads, but she opens another letter anyway and discovers that the guy, John Karger, has included a photo of himself. He is a hottie! He says to get in touch with him through the sociology department at the university, so Jessica does just that.
Neil feels bad about standing Penny up and really wants to meet her, so he secretly writes her another letter from “Jamie” and says an emergency came up so he couldn’t make it to meet her and had no way to get in touch. He says to please meet him outside the Dairi Burger on Thursday. He says not to write back (he doesn’t want the other guys to know he’s still writing her!) and that he’ll be waiting to see if she shows.
Liz’s plan to get Kirk back is to pretend Erika Hall, a hot new model who’s gracing all the covers of fashion magazines, is her cousin. She says Erika will be in town the following weekend, when the Spring Fling dance is happening. Kirk starts to salivate and tells Liz that he wants to take Erika to the dance as his date. He says he knows she’ll say yes and to show Erika his photo to seal the deal.
John Karger picks Jessica up for their date on Wednesday. He is just as hot as he looked in his photo, so Jess is thrilled! They go to a Greek place, and he asks a number of questions. Eventually, he looks at his watch and says he needs to go do some studying but that maybe he can call her over the weekend. Jess is disappointed but says yes, he should call.
Penny goes to the Dairi Burger to meet “Jamie.” Neil hurries over there, determined not to stand her up again. Kirk happens to be at the Dairi Burger too and sees who Neil is there to meet. He can’t believe Neil is serious, but Neil finally grows a backbone and tells Kirk that yes, he’s meeting Penny. And then he walks off to do just that! Penny is pleasantly surprised that “Jamie” turned out to be “handsome Neil Freemount.” Neil confesses that when he first started writing, it was as a joke, but then he fell in love with her. He asks her to go to the Spring Fling with him, and she agrees. They kiss!
Jess goes out with John Karger again and feels like she’s falling in love. He doesn’t try to kiss her, which is confusing, but Jess figures there’s time for that. I would say things are moving on a normal timeline and that she’s being too impatient, but this is Sweet Valley, where you declare that you love someone right before you kiss them for the first time. Jess invites John to the Spring Fling, but he says he’s working on a project with his sociology partner that night and can’t make it. He tells her he’s going to a concert on the beach Saturday afternoon with some friends and that she should join them.
Liz calls Kirk and tells him that her cousin Erika agreed to go to the dance with him. She warns Kirk that Erika is self-centered and that she doesn’t think he should go with Erika, but Kirk ignores her and says he likes a girl with self-confidence. Liz figures he deserves what he’s getting.
Lila and Jess brag to each other that they’ve met guys who will win their dating contest. Amy and Cara think they (and Sandra, Jean, and Maria) should be the ones to judge who won, since neither Lila nor Jess will ever admit to losing. They agree and say they’ll meet by the lifeguard station Saturday afternoon with their dates.
Jess wears a new leopard-print bikini to the beach. She runs into Lila, who’s wearing the exact same bikini. It’s not a good start to the day, and they each accuse the other of being a copycat. I love the visual! Lila says her date, John, is going to meet her there. Jess gets a weird feeling since her date’s name is John too. Just then, Jess spots a group of girls on the beach, all milling around a guy. It’s John Karger! All the girls are girls he’d gone out with and told to meet him here! How did he have time to meet so many girls? I don’t know, and I don’t care because I love the scene. He says there’s been a misunderstanding and that he’s actually at the beach with Faye, his sociology partner and girlfriend, and that he was only going out with all these other girls because he wanted to study why people place personal ads. The girls are all furious. Faye laughs and tells John she told him this would happen. She sounds like a peach, since she somehow still thinks he’s a catch despite him being an absolute moron and clear jerk. Jessica and Lila can’t believe they were both duped and say that for a hot guy, John sure is dumb. Amen to that!
The Spring Fling gets underway. Liz is blissful in Jeffrey’s arms, and he “huskily” whispers that he could arrange it for them to keep dancing forever. I just can’t picture Jeffrey speaking to Liz huskily. That is totally a Todd trademark. Across the room, Jess and Lila arrive with college guys that they met at the beach concert. Kirk is furious because Erika Hall never appears, and Liz tells him that Erika probably decided to stay in L.A. or maybe she decided she didn’t want to come to the dance anyway and that this is typical for her. Not the greatest revenge plot, but I guess Kirk did get stood up so he knows how it feels.
Up next: Amy has her eye on Bruce Patman. Is it the end for Bruce and Regina?!