#1: Double Love

The book that launched the entire Sweet Valley empire is also the book that is launching my miniature blogging not-an-empire!

We open with Jessica lamenting how horribly gross she looks. Naturally, this is just an excuse for us to hear about how beautiful she looks in reality: she’s sixteen years old, five feet six inches tall, there’s not an ounce of fat anywhere, has a perfect tan, silky blonde hair and beautiful blue-green eyes. We’re then introduced to Elizabeth, who jokes that if Jess looks this bad, she must look awful too since they’re identical twins. Of course, they’re not identical in their personalities since Jess never wears a watch, as the party doesn’t start until she gets there, while Liz is the studious, serious twin.

The phone rings, and Jessica answers. It’s Todd, asking for Liz, but Jess keeps him on the phone because she’s offended that he might prefer to talk to Liz over her. How dare he! Eventually, they hang up and when Liz asks who called, Jess tells her that Todd was calling to tell her good luck with Pi Beta Alpha, the sorority that the twins have pledged. Supposedly it’s the “best” sorority at SVH, but no other sorority is ever mentioned, so I guess it’s the best by default. As an aside, sororities in high schools hadn’t been a thing for decades before this book was published, but using reality as a baseline for these books is a mistake.

Liz is disappointed because she likes Todd and thought he might like her back because their eyes met a few times in chemistry class and he once asked her for the homework assignment. The bar is low, but even still, Todd misses it regularly.

After breakfast with their parents, the twins drive to school. Liz goes to meet Enid, her best friend, who has something big to share: Ronnie Edwards, the new guy in Miss Markey’s class, called her last night! Exciting! The day continues and the new PBA members are announced at lunchtime. Naturally, Liz and Jess both make it in, and Jess starts by asking how many votes she needs to become president. Liz, on the other hand, doesn’t really care (she only pledged because of Jess) and is distracted because Jess told her that she thinks Todd might ask her (Jess) to the dance. After school, Liz is supposed to meet Todd and hopes that maybe he’ll ask her to the dance instead. But she’s late to meet him and sees him take off with Jess instead in their parents’ Fiat!

Liz goes home and finds her brother, Steven, visiting from college there. Jess eventually shows up too and asks Steven if she can set him up with her friend Cara. Steven says no, that Cara’s too young for him, and leaves. Liz complains to Jess about ditching her after school and asks if Todd mentioned having plans to meet anyone. Jess makes up an excuse, then gushes about Todd and pretends that Todd didn’t say anything about needing to meet with Liz. Later, Todd calls for Liz; Jess distracts him yet again and Liz bursts into tears when she finds out that Todd is talking to Jess!

The next day, Liz is working on the anonymous “Eyes and Ears” gossip column for the Oracle, the school paper. She wants to be a writer and obviously writing the school’s gossip column is the first step. Also: what high school paper prints a gossip column?!? She’s about to have a heart to heart with Mr. Collins, the Robert Redford-lookalike English teacher who sponsors the paper, when John Pfeifer, the sports editor, bursts in and mentions Todd’s name. Liz can’t handle it so she leaves… only to see Todd talking to Jess in the hallway, so she books it the other direction. Todd tries to catch her attention, but Jess redirects him again and suggests that he ask her (Jess) to the upcoming school dance. Todd asks if she’s sure Liz has a date, then gets distracted and wanders off. How is this guy a catch?!?

Jess is so offended that she walks off and accepts a ride from Rick Andover. He dropped out of school six months earlier and picks her up using the classy line “Pardon me, Heaven-which way to Mars?” Apparently she’s so starved for attention that anything goes. He drops her off at home (he knows where she lives because he makes sure to know “where all the foxiest chicks in Sweet Valley live”) and says he’ll pick her up later for a real date.

She leaves for the date without telling Liz who she’s going out with. Liz assumes it’s Todd and feels sad all over again. Rick takes Jess to Kelly’s, a seedy beachfront roadhouse where they don’t check IDs and the waitress gives them whiskey and beer. Rick touches her legs, and Jess starts to feel uncomfortable. She tells him to take her home, Rick gets angry, some other sketchy looking guy offers to give her a ride, and a bar fight breaks out. Soon, police are there and one takes Jessica home. The cop’s niece goes to SVH and is friends with Liz, so he misidentifies Jess as Liz and tells her to stay away from Kelly’s in the future as he drops her off. The Wakefield’s gossipy classmate, Caroline Pearce, happens to overhear this and immediately gets on the phone to spread the word that Liz was at Kelly’s!

The next day, Liz shows up at school and everyone treats her strangely. Enid tells her she’ll always be her best friend no matter what, but everyone else is kind of a jerk about it. Ronnie is even mad at Enid that she’s talking to Liz after that stunt she supposedly pulled the night before! Spoiler alert: Ronnie’s no catch. Enid eventually tells Liz what the rumor mill is saying about her going to Kelly’s, and Liz confronts Jess about it that evening. Jess admits it and says she’ll clear it up but meanwhile they have bigger issues: their brother is dating Betsy Martin! She’s the daughter of the town drunk who uses drugs and goes through dudes like there’s no tomorrow. Liz is shocked! But back to that Rick business…

Jess tells Liz how it was all a mixup and Liz is relieved to hear that Jess was out with Rick and not Todd. But she still tells Jess that she needs to make this right and put an end to the rumors. She especially wants Jess to clear the air with Todd…

Speaking of Todd, he’s at the beach with Enid and Ronnie. Ronnie asks what they think about the rumor about Liz, and Todd looks unhappy. Enid tells them that Liz swore the rumors weren’t true, and Ronnie is shocked that Enid believed her. I want Enid to dump him now, but she doesn’t. Todd agrees with Ronnie that sometime a person isn’t what they seem. I want Liz to stop swooning over this guy (and I’d like my 12-year-old self to stop swooning over him too), but she doesn’t. Enid says that even if Liz did make a mistake, they should forgive her. Ronnie says, “Some things are unforgivable.” Glad he’s the moral police of Sweet Valley. Enid thinks that Ronnie can never know her own secret…

The next day, Liz is still pressing Jess to clear the air about the whole Rick Andover rumor. There’s more news in the air too: the lease on the SVH football field has lapsed and the two richest families in town are fighting over what to do about it! The Patmans want to turn it into a Victorian rose garden, and the Fowlers want to turn it into a factory. The SVH football team and many of the students stage a protest out on the field, and Liz is tasked with reporting on this. She takes notes, then heads back to the Oracle office and runs into Todd. They have an awkward conversation. After that, Todd runs into Jess, who cries and tells him that it was actually her who was driven home from Kelly’s by the police that night. Todd tells Jess he can’t believe she’d cover for her sister like that, plants a big kiss on her, and then invites her to the dance. Why anyone is swooning over this guy, I have no clue.

Speaking of the dance, Bruce Patman calls Liz “Roadhouse Rhoda” (oooh, burn!) and asks her to be his date since he’s heard the rumors and thinks she has a wild side. Liz accepts an invite from Winston Egbert instead. Then she goes home to hear Jessica’s news that Todd invited Jess to the dance even after she told him it was actually her at Kelly’s! Liz is crushed. No one’s in good spirits at the Wakefield house, and it gets even more awkward when Steven shows up and Jess makes a crack about him dating Betsy Martin. He says he’s not dating Betsy, he’s dating Tricia Martin, Betsy’s sister, but that he might have lost her since she thinks he’s embarrassed to be seen in public with her. Clearly he’s one of the many dudes in Sweet Valley who is a total catch.

The night of the dance arrives. Winston and Todd arrive to pick up the twins at the same time, and it’s awkward. Todd moons over Liz all night. Liz wants to cry because Todd is with Jess. And Jess is angry because Todd isn’t paying enough attention to her. The final straw comes when Todd drops Jessica off and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. How dare he!!! Jess decides to get even by spreading rumors that Todd couldn’t keep his hands off her! She starts by telling Liz this that very night. Liz is furious.

Steven goes to Tricia’s to make up with her and says he’ll take her out in public and she’s thrilled. The bar is low for romantic relationships in Sweet Valley.

Todd keeps trying to talk to Liz at school, but she keeps blowing him off, mad at him for what he supposedly did to Jess. He finally corners her and tells her he’s willing to forgive her for the Rick Andover business. Liz is shocked he has the gall to say that, especially when he follows it up with a note about how Jess tried to take the blame but really, he’s forgiving Liz so it’s all okay now.

The fate of the football field has its day in court. The twins’ father, Ned, and his coworker (a sexy divorcee named Marianna West) represent the school and win the case.

A few weeks go by. Liz is still moping about Todd but goes out on other dates in the meantime to keep busy. One afternoon, the Pi Betas go to the Dairi Burger for food after a meeting and see Todd and the Phi Epsilons (SVH’s fraternity) there too. When the twins leave and get into their car, Rick Andover appears and squeezes himself into the driver’s seat and floors it. Luckily, Todd has witnessed all through the window of the Dairi Burger, so he hops in his Datsun and follows them to Kelly’s. Rick tries to fight Todd, but Todd packs a mean punch:

…Todd didn’t miss a beat. He came to life in a fury of hard, short jabs to the middle that sent Rick jackknifing to his knees, clutching at his stomach and gasping for breath.

Whew! The intensity! I need a moment to breathe.

The twins thank him and Jess says she never wants to see the inside of Kelly’s again. Todd asks what she means by “again.” Liz explains it actually was Jess at Kelly’s that night, and Todd is shocked – shocked! – that it really was Jess. Liz then asks him what happened at the end of his date with Jess and Todd says he barely touched Jess because all he wanted was Liz. They finally kiss and Todd says there’s never been anyone but Liz.

Liz confronts Jess about her lies about Todd, and Jess admits it but blows her off. That’s okay because Liz has a plan for revenge!

The next day, Liz “accidentally” spills water on Jessica’s outfit and then fixes this by loaning Jess some clothes she’s been wanting to borrow. Meanwhile, Liz wears her tuxedo outfit that she’d previously loaned Jess. This makes Jess look like Liz and Liz look like Jess. They go to a school rally, and Liz leaves Jess with Todd while she spreads the rumor that Liz is the anonymous writer of the “Eyes and Ears!” The tradition is to throw the author of this column in the school pool once unmasked, so everyone picks up Jess, thinking she’s Liz, and throws her in the pool.

Notes:

Total time elapsed in this book: About a month. Not sure how this is possible since we have 142 books in the regular series alone to go. I think it’s obvious from this alone that no one anticipated this series lasting as long as it did.

Jessica’s love interests: Todd Wilkins, Rick Andover

This book has the first instance of Jessica using the phrase “one hundred and thirty seven,” which she uses regularly in future books to denote a lot of something. Apparently the thirty-seven part was dialed in from the beginning but not the rest of the number since she uses 737, 137, and 537 in here.

This book also features the first instance of Todd showing his anger/intensity by punching someone!

Entertainment factor: 9/10. This book started the series off strong. My inner twelve-year-old wants to give this a 14/10.